Popkin’s Corner: Kanye West Is For The Children

Kanye West is a grown man. Supposedly. He cries and whines and even throws the occasional (and not-so-occasional) temper tantrum—just ask Taylor Swift. And The Recording Academy. And George W. Bush.

So it’s no surprise that he would be the latest in the Rockabye Baby! series, which already includes versions of songs by Nirvana, The Pixies, and U2, among many, many others. Now you and your small child can listen to instrumental versions of the Louis Vuitton Don’s greatest hits, including “Jesus Walks,” “Good Life,” and “Through The Wire.” Each track is stripped down to its most basic vocal and instrumental melodies and then reproduced with an army of xylophones, chimes and soft ringing bells. As it says on the Rockabye Baby! website, they take the volume from 11 and turn it down to 2. Spinal Tap would be so proud!

Still, despite such a wide selection to choose from for that last minute Father’s Day gift for the new dad in your life, Kanye’s album stands out. Consider the subject matter of most of his songs, which rotates from girls to money to drugs to most importantly, pink polos and his love for Jay-Z. Man, does Kanye love Jay-Z. This is a most unhealthy bromance. No offense to those other artists in the Rockabye Baby! catalogue, but none of them have a track being covered in which they say, well, I can’t actually reprint those lyrics that make this so funny to me due to us being a family-oriented establishment. I’ll just leave you with these instead: “A trunk full of coke, rental car from Avis/My momma used to say only Jesus can save us/Well, Momma, I know I act a fool/But I’ll be gone ’til November, I got packs to move.” And lots of parents out there got little kids they need to put to sleep. Thanks for doing your part, Kanye. It’s appreciated.