Daily Discovery: Brandon Jazz & His Armed Forces, “Radical Luv”

ARTIST: Brandon Jazz & His Armed Forces

SONG: “Radical Luv”

BIRTHDATE: Summer ’86

BIRTHPLACE: 32 miles SW of Seattle, Washington in The City of Destiny. More specifically: Fort Lewis US Army Base.

AMBITIONS: Total power, maximum neon, and everlasting life for myself plus all of my brothers & sisters.

TURN-OFFS: Laziness, poor grammar, cruel hearts, other people’s pets, and children.

TURN-ONS: Nudity, semi-nudity and implied-nudity.

DREAM GIG: Headlining the first show broadcast live from Newt Gingrich’s moon station. Phil Collins, Kanye West, and Junior Senior support.

TV ADDICTIONS: I’ve been learning things about myself in former lives by watching Aaron Sorkin’s now-defunct television program The West Wing.

PETS: n/a

WORST JOB I EVER HAD: Any job I’ve ever had that failed to financially reward me for my premium dancing skills and/or impeccable sense of humor.

5 THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL SEXY: showers, mirrors, not wearing pants, men’s locker rooms, and Gold Bond extra strength menthol powder.

5 THINGS EVERY MAN SHOULD OWN: A finely tailored suit, a copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a set of LED MegaBars with smoke machine, a Customer Rewards card from a local pizza joint, and an iPhone.

I WROTE THIS SONG: Yeah, so what?